Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
