How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
