Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
