yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
