Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
