Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i love accidental penises.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
