I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
