im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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