There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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