she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
