on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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