6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
