drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
