There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
