Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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