Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
