oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I booty called her while she was in labor.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
