He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
