Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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