i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
