so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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