I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
