hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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