lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
