non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
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Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
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Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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