You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
