You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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