You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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