I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Is it because I queefed?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
