Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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