I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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