Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
