He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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