do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
