is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
