I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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