the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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