I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
In other news, I just burned my penis
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
