my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
