UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
