return my video game
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
