...so i touched it.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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