Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
