then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
