the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
