ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
