The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
