Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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