The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I've blown a few things in my day
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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