The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
