between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
