Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
