Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
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