just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
