im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
