Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
