He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
