i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Operation Purity has been aborted
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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