i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
