At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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