I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
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is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
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The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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