he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
