I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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