Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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