6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
