There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
