zippers are such a cool invention
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
