it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You are the jesus of drinking
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
