What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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