she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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