Only a mothe r could love this liver
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
