i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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