i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
