When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
