im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
