I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
