I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
