So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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