the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize