WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
